How to talk about STIs with a partner: 6 steps

A sexually transmitted infection (STI) is an infection that is transmitted from one person to another through sexual contact. STIs can be caused by bacteria, viruses, or parasites and include diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia. In 2022, the number of reported STI cases in Europe increased significantly: gonorrhea cases (also known as “the clap”) rose by 48%, syphilis cases by 34%, and chlamydia cases by 16% compared to the previous year (ECDC, 2024). One important aspect of STI prevention is open and honest communication with sexual partner(s) about a possible infection. However, for many people, this presents a major hurdle. Feelings of shame and fear that the partner might end the relationship make this difficult. Additionally, many STIs can be asymptomatic, and individuals may not know that an infection can still be contagious. This article provides key information to help you communicate openly about a possible or confirmed STI.

Table of Contents

• What is a sexually transmitted infection (STI)?
• STI symptoms: what are the signs?
• How are STIs transmitted?
• Do I need to disclose an STI if I use protection?
• Why is open communication about STIs important?
• How to prepare for disclosing that you have an STI
• Summary

What is a sexually transmitted infection (STI)?

A sexually transmitted infection (STI) refers to the presence of bacteria, viruses, or parasites in the body that are transmitted through sexual contact. The term “sexually transmitted disease” (STD) is also commonly used to describe infections that cause symptoms or health issues. However, the term STI is increasingly preferred, as not all infections cause symptoms but can still be transmitted.

Common STIs by pathogen:

Source: WHO, 2024

STI symptoms: what are the signs?

Symptoms of STIs can vary depending on the specific infection, the individual, and between men and women. Importantly, many STIs often have no symptoms at all, which means they can be unknowingly transmitted. For example, 70–80% of women and 50% of men with chlamydia show no symptoms (Mayo Clinic, 2024). When symptoms do appear, they may be subtle or mistaken for other conditions, such as urinary tract infections, making it difficult to identify the infection immediately.

If you'd like to know which symptoms are typically associated with which infections, check out our STI blog category. This knowledge can help you recognize possible infections early and protect yourself more effectively.

How are STIs transmitted?

The primary route of transmission for STIs is sexual contact. However, depending on the pathogen, other transmission methods are also possible. Understanding these is important for prevention and communication.

Source: Msdmanuals, 2023

Do I need to disclose an STI if I use protection?

Yes—absolutely!

Many STIs can be transmitted not only through penetrative sex but also via close skin contact. For example, herpes can be transmitted through direct contact with an infected person’s skin—even when no symptoms are visible. That means a person can transmit the infection without knowing it.

If you suspect you have an STI or have been diagnosed, you should refrain from sexual activity to avoid transmission. While condoms or dental dams can significantly reduce the risk of transmission, they do not eliminate it entirely. In such situations, it is important to talk openly about your STI status so that your partner can get tested (especially if you’ve already had sex) and, if necessary, begin treatment. Honest communication about health is essential in any sexual relationship—it fosters trust and transparency (Craig-Kuhn et al., 2021).

Get tested regularly!

Regular STI testing is especially important if you have multiple sexual partners, are in a new relationship, or have had unprotected sex. Even if you simply want to better understand your sexual health or are experiencing unusual symptoms, an STI test is recommended. There’s no room for stigma or shame—Homed-IQ’s home STI tests, such as the Chlamydia Test, Basic 4 STI Test, or Complete STI Test, let you test for individual or multiple STIs discreetly and conveniently.

Why is open communication about STIs important?

Open communication about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is essential for several reasons:

• Preventing serious health problems: Sharing your sexual health status ensures that all partners can get tested and treated in time if needed. This helps prevent long-term consequences such as infertility or chronic pain, and also avoids reinfection. Reinfection occurs when someone who has been treated gets infected again by an untreated partner who was unaware of the infection.

• Stopping the spread of infection: Open conversations with new sexual partners—especially when STI status is unknown—or when a current or suspected infection exists, are critical to preventing transmission and reducing the spread within the population.

• Raising STI awareness: Being open about STIs increases awareness of the need for regular screening and protection. It also helps reduce stigma and shame, which can otherwise make people hesitant to talk about their health or get tested.

• Fostering trust and responsibility: Honest communication about STIs builds trust and can strengthen relationships. Everyone shares responsibility for not only their own health, but also that of their sexual partners. Looking out for one another allows you to enjoy sex with confidence and safety.

These reasons highlight how important it is to speak honestly about STIs to protect your health and that of your partner (SOAIDS, 2023).

How to prepare for disclosing that you have an STI

It’s understandable that talking about an STI can feel difficult. To make the conversation go as smoothly as possible, it helps to be well-prepared. A good first step is to reflect on what makes honest communication difficult for you. Why are you hesitating to talk to your partner? For many people, discussing STIs is challenging because:

• STIs are linked to negative societal judgments.

• Feelings of shame and/or guilt may arise.

• There are concerns about how the partner will react.

• A lack of knowledge about transmission and treatment can increase fear of sharing the information.

• A certain level of emotional vulnerability is required, which may feel uncomfortable or intimidating.

• There may be fear of being judged for past sexual behavior, making honest dialogue more difficult.

Below are six key steps that can help with open communication about an STI and address many of the reasons people shy away from it (Pfeiffer, 2017; Cleveland Clinic, 2023). 

1 – Get tested

The first step is to get tested safely—either with a home test or at a doctor’s office. Regular testing is especially important if you have new or multiple sexual partners, or if you’ve had unprotected sex.

2 – Educate yourself about sexually transmitted infections

Knowledge is one of the most important foundations for STI prevention and for handling a diagnosis constructively. Studies show that well-informed individuals are less likely to engage in unprotected sex and more likely to use protection like condoms. They also have more confidence when making decisions related to STIs (CDC, 2023). It’s crucial that this knowledge is medically accurate and evidence-based. Learn about:

• The specific infection

• Its transmission routes

• Symptoms and potential consequences

• Available treatment options

If you’re unsure, don’t hesitate to seek advice from health centers or clinics. This information helps you anticipate your partner’s questions and discuss the situation calmly and confidently (CDC, 2023). 

3 – Start the conversation

Whom should I notify?
If you’ve tested positive for an STI, you should inform all current and recent sexual partners—ideally those from the past six months—so they can get tested as well.

How should I bring up the topic?
A face-to-face conversation is ideal, as it allows for better understanding, immediate clarification, and direct questions. However, depending on your relationship, it may not be possible or comfortable to talk in person. In such cases, phone calls or anonymous partner notification services, such as those provided by public health authorities or platforms like WIR-Ruhr or partnerwaarschuwing.nl, can help (NICE, 2022).

When and where should I have the conversation?
Choose a private, comfortable setting where you can talk without interruptions. Make sure both of you are calm and not stressed before starting the conversation. The right time and place can make the discussion easier.

4 – Have the conversation

When it's time to talk, being prepared is key. Start with clear, direct language and explain that you want to talk about sexual health. Share what the STI is, how it’s transmitted, and what treatment options are available. Be ready to answer questions or refer your partner to reliable information. This shows that you take responsibility and care about the well-being of both of you.

5 – Be prepared for emotional reactions

A common concern is: “What if my partner reacts negatively when I bring up an STI?” That’s a valid worry—it’s normal for people to feel confused, scared, or even angry when faced with unexpected news. Try to stay calm and avoid becoming defensive. If emotions are running high, it will be hard to have a productive conversation. Give your partner space and time to process the information. If your partner responds calmly and supportively, take the opportunity to talk about your sexual history. You might learn that they’ve also had an STI in the past (Cleveland Clinic, 2021).

Note: In committed relationships, a positive test may raise concerns about infidelity. This is emotionally challenging, but it’s important to know that a positive STI result doesn’t automatically mean someone was unfaithful—it’s possible the infection was present before the relationship began and went unnoticed. Accurate information and open communication can help prevent misunderstandings and build trust.

6 – Plan next steps together

After the conversation, it’s important to plan your next steps as a team. These should include:

• Getting tested together: Schedule an STI test with a healthcare provider or use reliable home tests like those from Homed-IQ.

• Discussing treatment options: If a test comes back positive, consult a doctor to explore treatment possibilities.

• Practicing prevention: To avoid further infections, follow key prevention strategies:

  • Regular STI testing

  • Use of protection (e.g., condoms)

  • Open communication

  • Limiting the number of sexual partners (if possible)

  • Vaccinations, such as for HPV or hepatitis B

  • Reducing risky behaviors like drug or alcohol use, which increase the likelihood of unprotected sex

  • Continued STI education

Source:  Cleveland Clinic, 2023

Summary

Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are illnesses caused by bacteria, viruses, or parasites that are transmitted through sexual contact, including infections such as gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia. Given the rising number of cases in Europe, open communication is essential for preventing the spread of STIs and protecting both your own health and that of your partners. Talking about STIs may feel challenging, but it’s critical to avoid serious health consequences and stop further transmission. Six key steps can help you have this conversation: get tested, educate yourself about STIs, initiate the discussion, talk openly, be prepared for emotional reactions, and plan next steps together.